Depths of Despair

Life is a funny thing. It’s rarely as grand as we report it.

I read an article a while ago about social networking sites and honesty in posting. It stated that most people aren’t entirely honest about what they post. They’ll generally post only positive things.

It’s true. I have a tendency to post generally more positive things. It’s not because my life is always sunshine and roses… because it’s not. It’s more because I don’t think people need more negativity in their lives. There is so much negativity in the world…

But this isn’t going to be one of those. Here I strive to be as honest as I can about things. If that means delving into the deep, dark… well, than so be it.

Right now I am going through a darker time. It seems like so many things are falling apart. And while that may not necessarily be the case, I can’t help but feel like they are.

I feel like I am again thrust into a similar situation that I had with an ex of mine. I feel incredibly uncomfortable, sad and hurt.

Might I be depressed as I find myself going through a similar situation (but not at all the same thing)? More than likely. I’m willing to admit that.

More than anything I feel like I’m lost in the inky darkness. A dark with no light. Almost like being stuck at the bottom of the ocean. Where the dark is heavy and the pressure on you is great. A place where no light from the sun permeates save for the light from bio-luminescent beings.

It’s been some time since I have felt like I’ve been there. It’s been about 8 years. But here I find myself again.

Now, obviously I am aware that this is not a permanent state. That this too will pass and I will be a more luminous and stronger person for it (much like a phoenix). While I understand that, it’s also incredibly hard to see the forest for the trees… so to speak.

So I find myself mired in this inky darkness, not sure where to go. All I can do I is what I have done. Keep working on my writing. And while I try not to focus on the negative, it’s hard to do so when you’re surrounded by it.

All I can do is keep going and hope that at some point I can come back up from the bottom of this and be the person I know I am. I would hate to think that I hadn’t learned anything from being in that god-awful relationship.

It seems that I have a lot of work ahead of me.