Burning Confusion

Some of you may remember last year. I sold my tickets so I could go to Comic Con this year. Thankfully that worked out well.

However, here I sit again.

Looming Man, Burning Man 2006

I thoroughly enjoyed myself at Comic Con. In many ways, I think I enjoyed myself more at Comic Con than I would have at Burning Man. A lot of that has to do with actually feeling like I might be forwarding my career. That makes me happy.

At the same time, I feel a certain amount of sadness. I still know what I’m missing. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like. That’s what makes it hard. I’m trying to be strong. I’m doing something I couldn’t last year. I’m watching it online. (For those who want to watch it themselves: http://www.ustream.tv/burningman )

However, I still miss it.

But it’s not just the not going to Burning Man… that’s just a small part. It’s the weeks of people who went “OMG! I’M GOING TO BURNING MAN! SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!!!eleven!!!”

Stormtroopers and Boombox, 2008

There’s only so much that a person can take. Of course, there’s a certain amount of regret because I could have gotten a cheaper ticket. I probably could have gotten a free ticket. I turned it down because when I make a promise, I keep it. I like to think I’m a person of my word.

And then there’s the people who want to “manifest a ticket”. If you can’t afford to pay for a ticket, maybe you shouldn’t be going.

It’s a combination of things that are all creating this perfect storm of ennui.

There are also some bright patches to this dour time. Not all my friends went this year. So, it’s not a ghost town. And then there’s Camp Envy. A group of like souls who, for whatever reason, also couldn’t make it this year. It’s these comforts that are making it easier. I’m also meeting people who I might not ever get the chance to meet. This is also a good thing.

La Contessa, 2005. Picture by Craig Gordon

While I wish I could be out there in the dust and chaos, I also appreciate what I have her. Talk about being split on how to feel.

Soon it will be over and everyone will be driving back in the clusterfuck that is exodus. Sure, I’m not in the middle of the magic that is Burning Man, but I’m also not away from it. This technology has created an interesting dichotomy where I feel outside but also a part of the crowd.

It’s a wonderful thing this technology is…

Burning Man: http://www.burningman.com/