Personal Demons

Once every 3 months, I always deal with this emotional roller coaster. It’s largely due to hormones. As a woman, this gets to be both frustrating and an interesting learning experience. This time, it’s probably been the most debilitating to my self-esteem.

Something I admit to is that I’ve always had poor self-esteem. I’ve gone through a lot in my life, most of it being harsh criticism about my appearance. So, once my brain starts telling me bad things it tends to be all downhill. And, as of late, I’ve been feeling quite down about myself… largely where my weight is concerned.

I’ve been so down about my appearance that I have a hard time even looking at my reflection (either in the mirror or window or what have you).

This is something I’m not sure how to fix. I know I’m hormonal now, but I don’t know that that’s what’s causing it. It may partly be, but then there’s the countless voices that tell me I’m fat, unattractive, an embarrassment. These voices are hard to hush.

I’m working on it, but I still have a hard time looking at myself. I feel so defeated. It’s something that I know that I need to fix… but I haven’t any idea of how to fix it.

Maybe it’s time to go back in to talk therapy, talk through this. It’s the only thing that I can think of. I know that I can’t keep thinking this way about myself.

Some times I just feel lost. That’s where I am, at a loss for what to do next. It’ll come to me. I just hope it does sooner rather then later.