At the End of a Road

Last night was an end of sorts. At least it was the end as far as group therapy is concerned. And it worked. Not too much of a surprise, as that was the expected outcome.

But it’s only one instance. I admit that there is a lot left to work on. It wasn’t just the one instance of abuse. I have years of abuse to work through.

The question is, where do I go from here?

That’s always the real question. Once you complete something, what’s next. It’s hard to know where to begin when the mountain seems too large to scale. Do I start with the older instances of abuse? Do I deal with abusive boyfriends?

I don’t know.

Maybe I need to process the abusive relationship I was in the longest… I honestly don’t know.

When I started back in therapy… uh… like a few months ago, I never imagined that I was going to have to dig through this old can of worms. Of course, what I thought was a can of worms is really a can of asps.

So, I’m back to attacking on two fronts. I’m working on a lot of the emotional damage that came from the abuse that I received for years. The biggest of them is my relationship with food. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. That’s not to say I have an eating disorder. I do eat. I don’t throw up afterward. But I don’t have a healthy relationship with food. I’m almost 100% sure that it comes from the decade plus that I was called fat when I was a decent size 8… which is really where I want to be.

And working on processing the actual instances of abuse, I think I’m taking a bit of a mental respite. I need some mental downtime in between battles. The longer you fight, the harder a battle it is.